The saddest thing about death is its separation. We can easily reconcile ourselves with the fact that death must come, but when it takes out of our life a parent, a sibling, a family member or beloved friend, the grief felt can be heartbreaking. This is especially the case when our daily habits are changed, when we no longer look upon the face, or hear the voice, or sense the touch of someone whose lives were intimately connected with our own.

As priests, we encounter families each day whose sorrow is real. Fortunately, we have a valuable resource at our disposal to help grieving parishioners find hope in one of the riches our Faith provides — a worthy and dignified send-off. It is important to promote the ministry of Catholic cemeteries within our dioceses as part of the Church’s mission to meet families in new and creative ways.

Unsurprisingly, the way our culture views funeral and burial customs is changing. For many reasons related to levels of belief and practice of the Faith, finances or convenience, among other things, the traditional rituals of a wake, a funeral Mass in church and a full-casket burial are becoming less common than other ways of mourning.

Numerous well-meaning families with little or no catechesis about the Church’s teaching on the value of the funeral Mass and proper burial in consecrated ground or mausoleums opt for direct cremation, often with no viewing or service in a parish church. Many are choosing to keep their urns at home, even temporarily. While this is certainly regrettable and,m with faithful evangelization and education, reversible, we priests ought to do our part, encouraging parishioners to restore and maintain Christian values that honor the dead according to the mind of the Church.

An Opportunity to Teach

A funeral may be the only time an unchurched person sees a priest all year. These brief encounters provide a golden opportunity to evangelize families at a very sensitive pastoral moment in their lives. The Order of Christian Funerals envisions a brief homily being offered graveside or wherever the committal service takes place. Why not take a few moments to preach about why we are there?

We reverently bury the bodies or cremated remains of those we love for two important reasons. First, because we believe in the resurrection of the body and know that while the soul of the deceased already stands before God, his or her body will remain in peace until called forth on the last day. Second, because we are encouraged to memorialize and visit the graves of those we love, especially on holidays, anniversaries or feast days, because we need a gentle reminder of our own mortality.

Funerals give us a moment to pause and reflect on the fact that no matter how long or short our years may be, where our loved ones have gone we are sure to follow. The best way to be prepared for that day is by living a devout and holy life, in hope that we shall see them again and enjoy their friendship in Christ, united perfectly in him, body and soul together. To grieve is quite natural, but the hope priests can provide truly leads souls to contemplate the supernatural.

As a priest in full-time cemetery ministry for several years, I encourage you to visit CatholicBurialTraditions.org, a website developed with a grant from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and maintained by the Catholic Cemetery Conference. This easy-to-navigate site provides free educational materials for parishes, including sample homilies for funeral Masses, a complete curriculum for schools to teach young people about Catholic funerals and burials, and resources for bereavement groups and Order of Christian Initiation of Adults programs.

Preparing for Death

We know it is good to pray for the souls of the faithful departed who have entered eternity. Catholic priests should devote some time, especially this month, to preaching the importance of considering our own death and funeral wishes. Catholics depend on us to teach them how to prepare for the journey when we pass from this world to the next. We ought to encourage the faithful to consider how they wish to be remembered, even if it means helping them start a file that can be kept in the parish office, ready for that fateful day.

Our most faithful parishioners believe in the sacraments and what the Church offers through living a spiritual life. In an ideal world everyone in our culture would believe as we do. Often, however, even loved ones do not value what we value. We are called to evangelize the importance of end-of-life care and after-life plans, which often help ease the burden of those we leave behind when they are faced with the grief of loss. Being honest about expectations may well be the talk of a lifetime.

When my father died suddenly from a heart attack at 53, our family was shocked and unprepared. What would he have wanted? Where should we bury him? How much will it cost? It was a lot to process with little time. Thankfully, we got through it together and eventually found peace.

Four years later, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. During her year and a half in treatment, we prayed for the best while she planned for the worst. Remembering the confusion surrounding Dad’s death and not really being given time to grieve, Mom prepared every detail of her funeral and burial, down to the dress she wanted buried in and the music for Mass. It was a relief for us; we knew Mom was being remembered exactly the way she wanted to be.

Obviously, no two families are identical, and there are many ways we approach the reality of death and the loss of someone we love. That’s why we must be prepared and willing to help begin the conversation. We need to offer the faithful the opportunity to explore options and resources and answering any questions they have regarding Catholic funeral rites, Church teaching about the respect due our bodies or cremated remains, and the importance of burying them in a grave or placing them reverently in a niche or mausoleum crypt.

The Beauty of Purgatory

Of course, November begins with All Saints Day, celebrating God’s masterpieces, the saints, those Christians who achieved spiritual maturity and have entered heaven. And the rest of the month of remembrance, dedicated in a particular way to the souls of the faithful departed, is just as beautiful, meaningful and consoling. It reminds us how closely we are united with those we have loved.

The custom of praying for the dead is based on the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, God’s “spiritual hospital” where he heals the wounds caused by sin. As surely as we believe in heaven or hell, the Church in its loving mercy has consistently taught there is a “middle state of souls” who suffer temporally on account of sins for which they did not atone on earth, souls who died in friendship with Christ but who have not yet reached the full joys of heaven. Our belief in purgatory is not meant to scare us, but rather to give us peace and hope for our own salvation and the sanctification of those we love.

We pray for the dead precisely because we believe that by our penitence, by our sacrifices, by our prayerful intentions, we can alleviate the pains of purgatory’s suffering souls. The beautiful thing is that these poor souls can also intercede for us. The doctrine of purgatory creates a bond of mutual helpfulness between those whom death has separated. While death has removed them from our natural lives, by praying for them we keep their memory alive in mind and heart and hasten their full entry into beatitude.

It is not just for their benefit that the Church invites us to pray for the deceased, but for our own, too. Remembering the Christian meaning of death helps us answer life’s most difficult question: Why does God allow so much suffering? Christ has revealed what the future holds: death, judgment and either heaven or hell. As a result, we can answer that question in three words: wait and see.

Life on earth is not the whole story; in fact, it’s only the introduction. Through sin, evil and suffering entered this world. But God’s wisdom and power are working out the finale, when justice and mercy will triumph. Then there will be no more illness or disease; no more suffering, death and burial; certainly no pain of loss. For those who do his will, there can be only peace and joy, made one in God himself, who will wipe away every tear from our eyes.

FATHER MICHAEL BARONE, a priest of the Archdiocese of Newark, is chaplain of Holy Cross Cemetery & Mausoleum in North Arlington, New Jersey.