Each human person was made to be in relationship with other people. From infancy we need others just to survive. But meaningful relationships are not only necessary for survival, they are necessary for human beings to flourish — and that includes priests, of course. Happy people have happy relationships. When these interpersonal commitments are missing from a priest’s life, he risks running into trouble living out the vocation to which God has called him.

Everyone’s vocation involves interpersonal communion with the other. Religious brothers and sisters are called to give themselves completely to God and neighbor in selfless love. Single people are called to love their family, friends and community in a way that changes other people’s lives. Married persons are called to give themselves selflessly to the other.

So, too, priests are called to healthy relationships with family, friends and brother clergy, and a personal loving relationship with Jesus Christ, to whom they have given their lives. Created in the image and likeness of God and in persona Christi, the priest is called to communion.

In the absence of these healthy relationships, priests can fall into dangerous behaviors. They sometimes choose isolation instead of communion. When isolated, they can be prone to alcoholism, depression, loneliness, affairs or pornography addiction; sometimes they leave the priesthood.

Good priestly relationships are not only necessary for priests but essential to their survival in ministry. Priests face many challenges, and they need to rely on their friendships, parishioners and spiritual life. They need to be open and honest with their brother priests, and not be afraid to explore the possibility of life-giving relationships. To do this, they need to have a strong sense of their own worth, to be able to see themselves as worthy of meaningful life-giving relationships.

Isolating Vices

Now more than ever priests are busy. Many times, they find themselves in charge of more than one parish. “Today there are fewer priests, and they are more isolated from each other, with increasing workloads,” Msgr. Stephen Rossetti, an expert on priest wellness, noted in a 2013 article in America magazine, “The First Five Years: How the Church Can Support Young Priests in a Secular Age.” Many priests get lost in the busyness of ministering to many people. They fall into traps and vices. Can busyness be a vice? I believe the answer to this question is yes. Many times, priests feel that a parish can’t function without them. At the root of this can be a false sense of pride. Instead of taking a day off or going out to dinner, they continue to work themselves to exhaustion.

Another sinful behavior that priests can fall into is self-centeredness. Self-centered priests might start to believe that people are coming to Church on Sunday to see them. They believe that they give the best homilies, they say the best Mass, and they offer the best programs to the faithful. These priests are hard to be around, and they rarely have a strong social network for that reason.

As we can plainly see, vices such as pride, busyness and self-centeredness greatly affect a priest’s ability to form strong support groups. Some of these priests might think of themselves as lone rangers who can do it all on their own. A lone-ranger priest has little care for priestly fraternity, being part of a presbyterate or socializing with other priests. But there are surely consequences to being a lone ranger. He himself is the center of the universe, and slowly, over time, his humanity erodes. For priests to truly flourish, they must move away from these vices and move towards communion with their brother priests.

Now More Than Ever

In his 2013 article, Msgr. Rossetti speaks of the two biggest problems young priests face: secularization and decreasing numbers. “While we are all familiar with these changes,” he says, “I believe we do not fully recognize their importance and their consequent impact on formation and priestly support.”

Can a lone ranger properly deal with the stress of trying to minister in a secular post-Christian culture without the support of his brother priests? Msgr. Rossetti doesn’t think so.

“Should a young man still choose to become ordained, his first years of priesthood will surely be a challenge,” he writes. “Walking down the street wearing a Roman collar today evokes strong emotions from some passersby.”

In the Diocese of Brooklyn, we are blessed that our parishes are near each other, and that we can visit our brother priests on a regular basis. But what about the rural dioceses of the Midwest, for example? Some parishes are a one-to-two-hour drive apart. How are priests coping with their everyday stress if they are alone and do not have the support of their brothers in the priesthood?

We can see how some priests are coping with the age of secularization, declining numbers and large distances between parishes in “Twist of Faith,” a 2009 documentary series by Martin Himel. In the episode “Catholic Priests: Controversy,” we meet three priests living together in a rectory.

Through living together and sharing their joys and struggles daily, they find the positive support they need to flourish. One of the priests in the documentary shares the benefits of socializing with one another on a regular basis.

“There can be that deeper support, this comes through in those times as well,” he says. “We have built-in structures in our life together, where every couple of weeks, we’ll sit down and we’ll have what we call a share group, and we’ll just try to share from the heart, share the real stuff that’s going on in our lives, the good stuff, and the junk as well, and put it out on the table.”

Against Loneliness

Sharing each other’s lives is at the heart of positive socialization. This real sharing helps priests to understand that they are not all alone, and that there is someone, specifically a brother priest, who understands what they are going through.

Loneliness can sometimes be paralyzing for priests. Getting together with priest friends can greatly reduce stress and help priests cope with the demands of priestly ministry. In my own life, I get together with my priest support group on a bimonthly basis. The format is simple; we spend a few minutes in prayer and share a meal. At the meal, we have an honest heart-to-heart dialogue on how our lives are going.

Socializing with family and friends is also important in the lives of priests.

This is often a challenge for priests whose families are in other states or countries, although social media platforms such as Facetime and WhatsApp can facilitate communication between these priests and their families. Special care should be taken by the brother priests who live with them to foster a home environment in the rectory. Rectories should be places of fraternity and shared meals. It is of great importance that the pastor provides an atmosphere of fraternal love.

Positive rectories facilitate laughter, and laughter is good for us. Priests constantly deal with things of a serious nature: funerals, depression, marriage troubles, sickness, difficult parishioners. This can be taxing on emotional well-being. They need time to let their hair down, so to speak, and have a good belly laugh.

Ideally, a priest should be part of a priest support group. If not, he should have several priest friends whom he can count on when feeling lonely, isolated and stressed out. Catholic teaching reminds us that we are made for communion, and God wants us to lead a flourishing life. We are called to choose virtue over vice and to reach out in empathy to our brother priests who are in need. Priests are the future of the Church, and great care should be taken so that they can be healthy, happy and productive. 

FATHER VINCENT G. CHIRICHELLA is pastor at St. Joseph Roman Catholic Church in Astoria, New York. In addition to Master of Arts and Master of Divinity degrees, he holds a certificate in spiritual direction and a Master of Psychology degree.