Halfway through my 20-year tenure at Catholic Leadership Institute, I was struggling with whether to make a change. With my young family, the travel was wearing on me, and ministry was tipping more toward frustration than fulfillment. I sought wisdom from a trusted bishop who knew me and my work. After I shared the pressure I felt from bishops, priests and my board of directors, he said simply, “So quit.” It was shocking. He continued: “Dan, do you love the Lord? Are you good to your wife and children? Do you help them love the Lord? That’s all the Church expects of you.”

“But what about sharing my unique gifts with the Church?” I asked. Without hesitation, he replied: “Dan, if you feel trapped or forced, it’s not service — it’s slavery. It’s not a gift unless you give it freely. He no longer calls you a slave. He calls you friend.”

As priests, you might think, “That’s your job. This is my vocation.” But I imagine you’ve counseled married couples who feel “trapped” in their marriage — no abuse, just unhappiness. They think it should feel different, easier, more joyful. They develop contempt for their spouse. How do you counsel them?

In serving priests over two decades, I’ve met many with deep love and fulfillment in their calling. However, I’ve also noticed a rising number who resemble that struggling spouse. Contempt or frustration dominates their voice and interactions. There’s an edge, sad resignation, avoidance or numbness in their routine.

If that describes you or a brother priest, it’s not a death sentence for your priesthood — it’s an opportunity to choose. The choice isn’t whether to be a priest. You believe, as I do, that you are “a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.” But there are specific areas where priests can exercise autonomy to rediscover the intrinsic motivation necessary to embrace their vocation.

Choose to express your dreams to your bishop: Your promise of obedience is important, but that doesn’t mean you can’t share what’s on your heart and where you think you could most freely give yourself to ministry. Maintain open, honest dialogue with your bishop about the intersection of the local Church’s greatest needs and your greatest desires. It may not happen overnight, but your bishop can’t assign you to a more ideal ministry if he doesn’t know you. Often priests feel pressure or embarrassment sharing that they don’t think they can be a pastor or that they need a change. Let the bishop know where you are — it might open possibilities neither of you had considered.

Choose to ask for help early: Many of you push through unimaginable emotional extremes that come with caring for God’s people. However, this resilience can lead to resisting help until it’s too late — when you’re burned out, reacting poorly or engaging in destructive habits. Choose what you need. If you don’t know, find someone who can give honest perspective and help you think through what help to ask for. There are apostolates offering coaching specifically for priests, which might help you have more productive conversations with your vicar for clergy or bishop.

Choose to create supporting infrastructure: In my case, I needed someone to partner with. Through coaching and asking my board for help, I hired a chief operating officer who made my life and ministry much fuller. As pastors, think about what support structures would help you give yourself more freely to ministry. Maybe it’s a staffing change, a schedule adjustment or the addition of something you’re passionate about to raise your energy for other aspects of ministry. This might sound like clericalism — “making the Church work for you.” There’s a risk of that if you aren’t careful. But if you’re choosing in ways that cultivate freedom and fulfillment in ministry, if your discernment focuses on serving people better, if you’re choosing what enables you to continue working wholeheartedly with that happy, satisfied exhaustion — it’s worth it for the Church to help you choose to be the priest God called you to be.

DANIEL CELLUCCI is the CEO of Catholic Leadership Institute. His most important vocation is as a husband and father to four children. He lives in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.